Growing In Our Hearts: Adoption Journey: June 2012

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Gifts

Having just celebrated mother's day and looking forward to father's day brings the gracious gift of our daughter more sharply before me. In thinking about the gifts adoption brings, there is an odd sentiment some people express when they talk to me about Lucy's path into our family...kind, well-meaning folks remark on how "good" and "generous" Peter and I are to have "saved" Lucy from her life in Ethiopia. I understand what the complimentary intentions behind such words are, but they are so far from our reality. When we adopted Lucy, our dreams were fulfilled, and aside from the normal loss of freedom all first-time parents experience, we gave up nothing to become her parents. We received all the gifts from Lucy, from Ethiopia, from God. With Lucy, our cup continually runneth over, and we feel blessed by every kiss, every laugh, every tear she bestows on us. Yet, Lucy lost everything to become our daughter. She lost her first family, her birth country, her language, her home, her history, and her culture. We work to restore some of these losses, however imperfectly, but we know the gains she has experienced from becoming our daughter are deeply tempered by the primal losses she has experienced. Yes, I am Lucy's real mother. But in loving her, and watching her grow, I can get tears in my eyes wondering if her smile looks like her first mother's smile, or if her laugh sounds like her first father's laugh. She and i will never know. The thought of losing her fills me with terror. And I see clearly the deep loss experienced by a woman I will never know or meet. I grieve for her first mother, and for Lucy. The sad reality is that, from the child's perspective, loss is the foundation of adoption. For me, as her mother, it is all gains. I am no great gift or savior to my child. I am just as she deserves. I am what life owes her. But she is the greatest gift of my life. I didn't save Lucy, she saved me.

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Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it
--- Fleur Conkling Heylinger

Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth--
--- Isaiah 43: 5-6

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The Ethiopian kingdom was founded (10th cent. B.C.) by Solomon's first son, Menelik I, borne by the queen of Sheba. The first kingdom for which there is documentary evidence is that of Aksum (Axum), a kingdom which probably emerged in the 2d cent. A.D., thus making Ethiopia the oldest independent country in Africa and one of the most ancient in the world.

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ETHIOPIA HOLIDAYS:

New Year/Enkutatashe
Is celebrated in mid-September towards the end of the big rains. Unlike the 1 January, which is comparatively arbitrary, New Years Day in Ethiopia marks a new season and a new beginning. The grass is green, the sun has come out, and there is fresh food to be harvested. Apart from the cyclical explanation for the timing of Ethiopian New Year, there is also a legend which maintains that Enkutatash is celebrated to commemorate the return of Queen Sheba from Jerusalem. According to the legend, Queen Sheba returned from visiting King Solomon in Jerusalem and was welcomed by her chiefs with a gift of jewels (Enku). Since then, it is said that the occasion has been celebrated yearly. Nowadays in Addis Ababa, New Years Eve is spent feasting and partying. However, traditionally, the eve of New Year was not really celebrated in Ethiopia but was spent preparing for the next day feast.
On New Years Day, the house is decorated with yellow Meskal daisies. Children make gifts of colouful paintings or spring flowers to give to their family and friends (and increasingly also to strangers in return for bread or sweets). Girls, dressed in their new Ethiopian dresses and armed with a kabero (small drum), go from house to house singing a special Enkutatash song, in return for some money.

Meskal/Finding of the True Cross

The Festival 'Meskal' takes place on September 27th each year. Meskal, meaning 'cross', was first celebrated in AD 326. The annual feast marks the legendary finding of the True Cross on which Christ is said to have been crucified. This is said to be the anniversary of the discovery of the True Cross by St. Helena (Roman Empress) who was supposed to have found the cross on which Jesus was crucified and had it divided into 4 parts of which one was sent to Rome, one to Constantinople, one to Alexandria and one to Antioch.
Beyond the story of how it was found, there is also the tale of how it came to Ethiopia, which is related in a 15th century volume known as the Tefut, located in the remote mountain monastery of Gishen Mariam in Northern Showa. It tells of how, in the Middle Ages, the Christian monarchs of Ethiopia were called upon to protect the Coptic minorities from marauding Egyptian Muslims. Their reward was usually gold, but instead the Emperor Dawit asked for a fragment of the True Cross from the Patriarch of Alexandria. The rejoicing that followed its arrival is commemorated as Meskal.

The precise form of the celebrations vary across regions in the country. In the central highlands, the festival begins on Meskal eve by planting a green tree in town squares and village marketplaces. Everyone brings a pole topped with the beautiful yellow Meskal daisies, which are abundant in Ethiopia at the end of the rains, and they are placed to form a towering pyramid which is set alight.

In Addis, large crowds of clergy and lay people gather in Meskal square. A colourful procession gathers around the huge bone-fire and the torch bearers move forward in unison to set the bone-fire alight. Around the area, feasting, drinking, dancing, playful fighting, courting and flirting go on late into the night. The central pole of the bone-fire often does not finally fall until dawn, marking the climax of the event. The next day people return to the fire to make the sign of the Cross in the remaining ashes.

In the southern lands of the Oromo, Gurage, Kambata, Hadiya, Welayta and Gamo people, the feast is the most important event of the year, even before Timkat, and therefore, quite sensibly, lasts for at least an entire week! This is in large part because it acts as a seasonal rite. Families gather, migrant workers return home, gifts are exchanged, new clothes are bought and there is lots and lots of feasting.

Christmas/Genna
The Ethiopian Christmas, known locally as Ganna after a hockey-like game the shepherds played when Jesus was born, usually falls on the old Julian calendar date of January 7.

On Christmas Eve, a religious ceremony takes place in all Orthodox Christian churches throughout the Ethiopian highlands. The ceremonies are long and involve the whole congregation. Priests dance sedately, swaying side to side in time with their sistrums (silver percussion instruments), while the younger, more athletic men gather around a drummer dancing, leaping and jumping, achieving an almost trance-like state.

Epiphany/Timket or 12th night.
This festival is called Timkat, and in the Christian Church Calendar, it was the day of the baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist, so water plays an important part in the Ethiopian celebrations. The Holy Tabots are taken out of the churches to near some water (river, lake or spring if possible) on the evening of January 18th. Priests (and some people) pray all night and on the 19th, Holy Water is sprinkled over the congregation.

The keteras wear splendid ceremonial robes of velvet and satin and are shaded by elaborately sequinned velvet umbrellas. As they advance, they shake sistras (religious bells) and swing bronze censers from which great wisps of incense smoke escape into the air. The Tabot, carried on the head of one of the priests, is cloaked in layers of rich cloth to protect it from the gaze of the impious.

When the procession reaches the water, the Tabots are placed in special ceremonial tents, and the priests and the more dedicated members of the congregation pray throughout the long night. Mass is performed around 2am. Crowds of people camp out, dressed in white like Earthbound angels, praying, eating and drinking by the light of flickering fires.

Towards dawn the crowds amass again to gather around the blessed water. Weather-beaten monks and nuns pray silently as the most senior priest present (in Addis Ababa this is the Patriarch himself) dips a golden cross and extinguishes a consecrated candle in the water. Then the focal point of the entire festival arrives as the priest takes water from the pool and sprinkles it on the assembled congregation in commemoration of Christ's baptism.

Following the baptism, the Tabots start back to their respective churches, with feasting, singing and dancing continuing and gathering pace. The best places to be for the celebration is Lalibela.

Easter/Fassica
Is usually a fortnight after the West's. Easter and Christmas are very important festivals and both are preceded by periods of fasting, 40 days in Advent and 56 days for Lent. Fasting is serious and is observed by adults. People eat only after 3pm in the afternoon, going through the morning with no food or water. Ethiopian Orthodox church mandates having no meat, fat, eggs or milk, and fasting is not just in Advent and Lent. There are, in all, 250 fasting days every year, as it is observed every Wednesday and Friday (Wednesday when Christ was condemned and Friday when He was crucified), except at Christmas and Easter when it gives way to celebrations.
There are many other festivals and Saints' days throughout the year. Saints are regarded as intermediaries to carry people's prayers to God. The Virgin Mary is venerated above all others and there are 33 special days to honor her. Angels are believed to be sent by God to help the faithful in times of trouble.

Ramadan
Ethiopia has a large Muslim population and the following holidays are observed; Muslim holidays are based on the lunar calendar and thus fall at different times each year. The ninth month of the Muslim calendar is devoted to Ramadan, which is marked by fasting. The greatest Muslim feast of the year is 'Id Al Fatr', which celebrates the end of Ramadan. The 'Id al Adha' is the feast marking Abraham's sacrifice. On these days, after praying and listening to the imam (religious leader) preach, Muslim Ethiopians sacrifice animals and distribute part of the meat to the poor. Muslims also celebrate the prophet Mohammed's birthday 'Moulid' and mark the anniversaries of numerous martyrs.

Eid -Ul-Adhia/Arafa
This Ethiopian festival marks the return of the weary pilgrims from the Hajj in Mecca and the historical sacrifice of Ibrahim or Abraham, revered as the first Muslim, who was about to sacrifice his son to God. Few Ethiopian Muslims will have made the journey to Mecca - most will instead make a pilgrimage to an Ethiopian site, Sheikh Husein, in Bale.

Eid ul-Adhia is the celebration the day following the pilgrimage, which is most elaborately celebrated in the province of Harerge, where the ancient walled city of Harar is found and where the majority of Muslims are concentrated. During the ceremony, readings from the Quran and Muslim chanting takes place. To accompany this, people drink coffee, chew Khat (a locally-grown stimulant) and feast.

A small pilgrimage site at Lake Hora, near Debre Zeyit, is visited once a year by the Oromo, one of the largest Ethiopian tribes. The Irecha rite probably originated among the Nile-bound Kushitic people thousands of years ago. It is based on the vaguely monotheistic worship and propitiation of Waqa, the law-forming force of nature. Worshippers ask for favours, fertility, health and good fortune. The Irecha celebrated around Lake Hora is one of two rites, properly named Melka Irecha. The other Irecha rite, Terara Irecha, is celebrated on top of mountains.

The ceremony centers on sacred trees, which are dotted around the area, in particular around a specific ancient fig tree, where most of the faithful gather. The blood of animals is poured on the roots of the trees and butter, perfume and Katickala, a traditional drink, are smeared on the trunks. Ceremonial meals are shared under the trees, consisting of coffee, a traditional drink called tella, roasted meat and araki, toasted maize.